Tell-Me-Not
by zedille
Summary: He tells me, he tells me not ... Some short and silly takes on how the Dadneto reveal doesn't happen. #1 HYMMM, #2 Halloween, #3 Home for the Holidays, #4 Helmet, #5 (s)hooting blanks, #6 (bring) him home, #7 hatemail
1. HYMMM

Erik didn't know what exactly he had expected when Peter had approached him and asked him uncharacteristically seriously if they could talk, but it certainly wasn't this. Peter had sat him down on the sofa in an unused sitting room and then launched into a very long and increasingly incoherent story about some unfortunate woman with extremely poor taste in men.

Erik suppressed a sneeze. There must be a lot of dust in the air.

With a start, he realized that Peter had stopped talking. "I'm sorry, what was that?"

"I _said_," said Peter, "that's how you met my mother."


	2. Halloween

According to Charles, the school's Halloween celebrations were supposed to be a chance for the younger students to have some fun and relaxation after the near-Apocalypse earlier that year. So when Erik opened the door—

"Trick or treat!" said Peter and Ororo.

"Aren't you a little _old_ for this?"

They ignored him like the children they weren't. Ororo nudged Peter, whispering.

"You should ask me who I am," said Peter.

"Well, go on."

Peter cleared his throat. "Let's just say I'm Frankenstein's monster —"

The whispering intensified.

"— and I'm looking for my creator."


	3. home for the holidays

Wendy was waiting for Peter when he got back home from Westchester.

"Hey, Wendy, long time no see," Peter said cheerfully. "Is Mom home?"

"She's downstairs," said Wendy.

"Great!" Peter made for the stairs.

"Wait, Peter, there's something you should know," said Wendy, but it was too late. He had already run past her and headed down —

and then Peter was back, moving quickly even by his standards. He closed the door behind himself and shuddered, his eyes wild.

"... tell me I saw Mom kissing someone _dressed up as_ Magneto."

"I tried to warn you," said Wendy glumly.


	4. helmet

Erik traced his missing helmet and armor out of the temporary campsite to where Peter Maximoff was staring into a small fire, morosely poking at it with a stick. The faint sounds of celebration, students still celebrating Apocalypse's defeat, drifted through the trees.

For some unknown reason, someone had taken Magneto's war regalia, brought it here, and set it on fire. His cape was burned, the armor reduced to several irregularly shaped pieces of metal, and —

"What are you _doing_?" said Erik. "Is that my helmet?!"

Peter stared back defiantly. "It worked for Luke Skywalker, didn't it?"


	5. (s)hooting blanks

Peter's mother had reacted to seeing Magneto on TV by getting drunk, which wasn't a surprise.

What _was_ surprising was the topic of her rant, a vehemently passionate speech about - the importance of using protection?!

"... Mom," said Peter once her lecture wound down, "what brought this on?"

"Of course he also killed JFK, on top of everything else," Marya muttered. Her thousand-yard stare was fixed on the television behind them, which now showed a reporter discussing Magneto's alleged role in the JFK assassination.

"The bullet may have curved," she said, "but his sperm certainly didn't."


	6. (bring) him home

The Xavier School's faculty production of_ Les Misérables_ was going surprisingly well, considering that Erik, against his better judgement, was playing Valjean.

They'd made it successfully through Act One and halfway through Act Two without significant incident, until Scott's sudden case of indigestion. The diagnosis was that he should be back for his next solo; in the meantime, Peter — Scott's understudy — had replaced him as Marius, lying "asleep" in the corner. The show would go on.

The music swelled as the key changed. Erik opened his mouth.

"He's like the son I might have known..."


	7. hatemail

Over his long career as Magneto, Erik had received his share of fan- and hatemail, but this —

He stared at the contents of the package, somewhat worse the wear for its trip through the postal system, and then again at the shipping label. To his surprise, he recognized the sender.

Was it supposed to be a comment on his diet? Or an attempt to color-match his armor? … He gave up. This was entirely beyond his experience.

"Peter," he said — the other mutant was opening his own fanmail — "do you have any idea why your mother sent me an eggplant?"


End file.
